A good friend of mine told me recently that she went to a facialist/chinese herbalist/something to do with making you look/feel better who told her she looked like a dried up old prune. That particular friend is younger than me, gorgeous, and if she’s a food group, I always considered her more from the poultry family. Specifically a young, glossy spring chicken. So… If she’s a dried up old prune… 2 + 2 = 4 and that makes me… Half dead.

I mulled this over for a few days (and told my friend to get a refund). Then I took myself to the extreme close up emergency magnifying mirror in my bathroom. To check my face for signs of desiccation. My mirror mirror on the wall didn’t reveal desiccation. But… There were a few new lines which I hadn’t noticed before… Terrific. My eyesight is also on the way out.

The new markers on my visage are in the laugh/smile area. Along with La Mer, chocolate, and shoes, laughing and smiling are among my favourite things in the world. Implementing a zero facial movement policy is not going to work for me. Until the lines turn into craters. Then we’ll talk. Or not, because I won’t be moving my face.

Oh. And duh. Of course my family is on that list. Which btw is in no particular rank order. Although really if I’m being 100% honest and practical probably chocolate would rank number 1. Too harsh? Seriously, think about. If you were stuck on a deserted island, what is going to help you survive longer? Food? Or a cuddle? You can’t eat love.

Back to the lines… Tossing out my first idea not to smile/laugh ever again, I booked a La Prairie Anti-Ageing Facial.  And fashioned a scarf so as not to scare people with my crone like face.

At the beauty salon, my facial began with an interrogation. This involved stripping off all my make-up and shining an eye-wateringly bright lamp on me while intensely questioning me about my skincare regime. I named every product I’d ever used in my life and seen in magazines and said that was my daily routine…

Seemingly satisfied with my response (who wouldn’t be? I named more products than days of the year) my facialist for the day prescribed a fabulous sounding program including; La Prairie masks/serums, facial massage, etc etc sounds amazing, plus some extractions. Wait… What? I shut my mouth very firmly and nodded. Yes please to the massage, masks, and serums, no thank you to the extractions. My teeth are just fine thank you.

90 minutes later I left heaven. Of the La Prairie variety. It turns out the extractions weren’t anything to do with dental removal and instead squeezing parts of my face to extract I don’t know what. Probably age. Because I no longer look like my next move is into the ground via a wooden box… Instead, my skin is smoother, fine lines diminished, and I can stop with the scarf wearing/cauldron stirring activity. Thankfully. Working the crone look was a real fashion low point.

I even scored a compliment later that day, which was, “Wow your eyelashes look amazing!”… I wasn’t wearing false lashes… My skin must have been making them look long…

The key thing about the facial that you can’t DIY at home is the massage. It’s the ingredient which really gets the circulation going and glowing.  Luckily this particular facial also included a neck, décolletage, hand/arm massage… I say luckily because as a lovely/brutal friend says… 20 in the face, 60 on the hands… Book yours now.